Breaking News: The Trustees have requested that the professors get a greater scope of experience in areas outside their fields. In order to fulfill that request, the decision has been made – professors will be swapping classes for a week.
We don’t know who made this decision, but students and faculty alike seem excited by the prospect. One sophomore, Caroline Atukunda, excitedly told us that “This is a fantastic opportunity to get to know other professors from other departments! And it’s a good laugh. Math professors attempting theatre? Theatre professors attempting math? This is gonna be a beautiful wreck.”
Another happy student, Noah Berberich, who is a sophomore, stated “I HATE my current professors so being able to avoid them for a week is an absolute win for me.”
Not everyone is pleased with this decision though. Emma John, a senior, is noticeably not happy. “Look, my History capstone is important to me – having a chemistry professor try to run it for a week when we only have half of a semester left is not ideal.”
Kassie Christensen, a senior who is on the Ecuador abroad, also has some complaints. “Flying our professors back to the campus for a week and having new professors fly in is a complete waste of time and money. I don’t know who thought this was a good idea because it’s going to completely derail our abroad.”
Students aren’t the only ones with mixed opinions. In order to boycott this decision, several professors have decided to cancel their newly possessed classes for the week. Other professors on the other hand have fully embraced the decision and are planning a new curriculum for their new disciplines. Some professors are even planning on swapping clothes.
However, professors aren’t the only ones swapping – the decision was made that all faculty in addition to their student workers will swap. Sage Kirkbride, a junior who works for both The Wholeness Program and The Academic Success Center had some strong feelings. “I’m not sure how they expect the three people in The Wholeness Program to cover all of Dining Services, especially since I have to be in my classes all the time. And that’s not even mentioning that for the Academic Success Center I have to be an RC. Whose decision was that? I’m still a student! This feels illegal.”
Whilst opinions are torn one thing is certain about this swap – it’s sure to be interesting.
In other news that’s not breaking but is merely fragile, The Wholeness Center has invested in a million dollar zen garden to replace the School of Nations, people have spotted mysterious robed figures entering Lowrey at night, Sylvester has been set on fire for the seventh time this week, the entire campus has started smelling like rotten fish, all of Principia’s vans and buses have broken down, and even the sky is falling.
Back to the very important swap, I have some disheartening news – clubs are also swapping. That means that yours truly will be rocking the electric banjo instead of working on the next issue, but I’m sure that the Rock Ensemble will do a fantastic job with planning the next article for me. This is your groovy satire writer signing out. Rock on!
Gideon Fugman is a sophomore at Principia College. He writes a weekly satire column for The Pilot.
