THIS ARTICLE IS FUN-SIZE:
It would appear that I am on the Pilot Staff now as a columnist, and that I have taken over Alice Stanley’s old job as resident opinionator. I will wear the mantle with pride, though I am hesitant to perform this goofy, yet undeniably necessary, role- most of my strong feelings revolve around Star Wars trivia and the strange whimpering sounds my stomach makes after certain meals here (you know who you are). Nevertheless, I will don this heavy mantle in much the same way that Jacob did when he stole his hirsute brother’s inheritance (not to say that Alice is hairy).
What you, the reader have to realize, is that my job is to write about literally whatever I want, and then relate it to myself as the average Principia student, though no student here is truly average, (segue sponsored by Admissions) except certain of the freshmen. In my experience, relating things to myself doesn’t translate well with people who have no idea who I am, so I will now spend the rest of my first mini-column introducing myself to my public.
The rest has been stricken by the editor due to inappropriate content.